I deactivated my Facebook account with the intention of letting it lapse into complete deletion. I am enjoying not having Facebook anymore, though I wrestle with myself a little bit over it. I don't miss the wasted time, but I do miss the interactions with friends. I don't miss constantly comparing myself to everyone else's bravo moments, but I do miss being inspired at times by those very same moments. I don't miss the bickering. I am opinionated and I am passionate, but I am trying to be less abrasive and more compassionate. Facebook does not lend itself very well to this new goal of mine.
The very best thing about kicking Facebook to the curb has been this beautiful movement inward. It's like I am closing the windows so I can stop staring at my neighbors and focus instead on what's going on right inside my own home. It is so lovely, I can hardly explain it. It has also resulted in us finally getting to know our real neighbors. We've lived here for six years and only know a handful of people on our street. Terrible, I know. But we are finally having BBQ's and stopping to chat with neighbors out for a walk, etc. It feels so wonderful and so real. I love it. I think the things I love here and now outweigh the things I miss online.
So, there I am. I am deactivated, soon to be deleted, missing it, but not really missing it. It doesn't get much more confusing than that.
I did keep my Instagram account, though. I booted most of my followers so that I can "overgram" to my heart's content and not feel guilty about clogging up everyone's feeds with my storytelling approach to photography.
Here are a few things I've been jotting down in my phone.
- Conversation with Karsten (3):
K - "I wish we could fly like birds."
M(om) - "Me too! You know how people fly? In airplanes!"
K - "No, maybe we should buy some wings at the store and fly like birds!"
M - "That would be cool, but I don't think we can."
K - "Why?"
M - "Well, because nobody sells bird wings for people to use."
K - "Oh."
K - "We could borrow the wings from the birds and fly!"
M - "Huh, well, do you think that might hurt the birds if we take their wings?"
K - "We could just take them slowly and caaaaarefully."
M - "Well, we are going to have to find some reeeeeeally big birds with reeeeeeeally big wings for them to work for us. People are big!"
K - "No, only the boys and me can fly. And not you and not Dad."
I wish I could somehow cement in my mind the tone of voice he used to carry on this conversation. It was so serious. He was contemplative and totally problem solving and melting me all over with his adorable toddler voice. I love him.
- Karsten says "pursh" for push and "fer" is for. "What's that fer, Mom?" It's so pronounced, it's hilarious.
- Anders declared at dinner the other night that he wanted some "Yoga Mate" like Dad. Dad drinks Yerba Mate. Wah - wah - wah.
- The other day, Karsten was noticing that the light was waxing and waning because of scattered cloud cover. At the impending approach of one certain shady patch, Karsten yelled with gusto, "I think the clouds are dissingappear!"
- At our neighborhood Independence Day BBQ, our awesome neighbor, Debbie, scooted over to us and, to introduce some juicy, scandalous, local bit of news, muttered, "Don't make me have to want to gossip." Oh but we did laugh and laugh over that one. I don't think we ever did hear what she intended to tell us, thankfully, but Dan and I got such a kick out of her very "I-take-no-responsibility-for-this" statement.