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"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."— William Butler Yeats
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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Chapter 4 - Excerpts - Rough Draft


"....The Chief had reserved a table for us for dinner at The Marine Room, and at about 4:30pm, I decided it was time to get ready. Dress standards were business casual, so I opted to wear a cute tan skirt Grandma Bagel had bought me and pair it with a lovely knit top. The skirt didn't fit, so I tried another. That didn't fit either. I started to panic. I swear they fit me just a few days before. What was going on? How could I grow three sizes in less than a week? I tried skirt after skirt after skirt. Then I tried on my dresses. I looked about five months pregnant. 'I should have skipped the crepes at lunch,' I thought. I continued to frantically search for a suitable combination, but I was looking large-bellied and coming up empty handed every time....As we left, I felt bloated again, with a dull pain throbbing in my lower abdomen. This was getting annoying...."


"Pathetic as it may sound to someone who has given birth naturally, I'm proud to say that I have managed to last to five centimeters during labor before begging for an epidural. But this was 100 times worse. In fact, I remember in my pain-fogged brain that I asked The Chief at one point if they could just give me an epidural so I couldn't feel my lower extremities anymore. That knife I mentioned before...it must have had a serrated edge and been dipped in poison. I missed my boys. I missed them a lot. I couldn't remember what 'normal' felt like anymore. About 20 minutes after we arrived, we were ushered back to an ER room where we waited for a nurse to come and take my temperature and blood pressure after which we waited again for a doctor to come and 'assess the situation.' I lay on that little half bed, curled up on my left side, then lying on my back, moaning and crying, reading and re-reading the 'How to Create a Dream' poster that was slapped up on the drop ceiling...."

"....Time passed. I don't know how much. The dull lighting of the ER cast an eerie glow around the room, accentuating the age and grime of the building. I didn't care. I couldn't rouse myself enough to care. I still hurt. All was quiet except the occasional hushed chatter of the night staff, and me, moaning, constantly, begging for help...."


"....I delved deep within to ascertain how I really felt about my near-death experience. But try as I may, I could not come up with the appropriate responses. I did not feel immense gratitude for my life, I didn't even feel relief to be alive. My relief and gratitude were reserved for the absence of pain. Its memory was imprinted on my mind and to not feel it anymore, without medication, was amazing, exhilarating, liberating. And the baby, well, it was an abstract to me...."

"...at last the blessed word 'discharge' was spoken and suddenly I was afraid to go home. I knew that my three tiny incisions hid a much larger trauma in my abdomen. How was I going to be able to lift my boys? How would I be able to clean? Would I get good rest or would necessity leave me exhausted and struggling to heal?"

If this were a book, would you want to keep reading? Does this style of writing appeal to you? I want to write a book. :P Stay tuned and you might even learn why this has been dubbed "Chapter 4."

P.S. You, my dear friends and family, are all awesome. I have never felt such an amazing outpouring of love in my life. I appreciate all your comments, emails, phone calls, flowers, cards, dinners, hugs, prayers, and babysitting! :) I am the luckiest person on earth and with wealth being measured in quality relationships, I believe I must be a billionaire! I love you all.


Audrie Gunn said...

Liz, I love your writing! Sorry it had to be about a not so good life experience. Our family was fasting and praying for you. I'm so glad you are okay and the pain is gone!
We love you so much.
I would love to read your book!

Karin said...

I agree....excellent writing and we are so glad that you are feeling better! Listen, can I proof read your book for you? You know how much I love to read!

Daniel said...

I would love to read a book all about pregnancy. :)

Ok, so you do write well.

Lindsey said...

First, so glad you are back. I have been checking your blog a million times a day waiting to hear from you.

Second, I felt like I was reading a book. Before I got to your part about how you are thinking of writing a book, I was thinking how well written this was. Extremely descriptive. Love "The dull lighting of the ER cast an eerie glow around the room, accentuating the age and grime of the building."

I would definitely keep reading. Your experience would be very helpful for other women and mothers going through similar experiences. You have a lot to tell and you might consider doing a short test piece and submitting it to magazines like Fit Pregnancy, etc.

Welcome back! I know I am only one of hundreds who have missed you.


Jeff and Aubree Gittins said...

I do want to keep reading! Your writing is wonderful. I'm so sorry about all you had to go through. I don't wish that on my enemy. I'm so glad you're okay.


Mom and Dad said...

I wanted more details about what the doctors said and when they took you for surgery etc.

I had a sinus infection in Israel years ago. I thought it was just a headache until I realized that aspirin wasn't going to cut it. I had to wait all night with this horrible pressure building in my head, ears, and nose. I refused to go to the hospital because they kept Americans in there too long to make money.

At 8am Dad took me to Dr. Sherer. I was crying and pounding my hand on the inside car door the whole way. I told him to drive on the side walk and run the red lights.

Once the codeine took effect I thought I had gone to heaven. I loved everyone. I could hear the birds singing and enjoy the beautiful blue sky.

I relate very much to your 'absence of pain' remarks. Gratitude was the overwhelming feeling I had.

Aren't bodies wonderful teaching instruments?

bethy said...

Go for it! I'd love to read your book.

Lisa said...

Liz!!Your back! I have missed hearing from you on your blog. You write very well and I think that you could be published! I can't wait for the next chapter! Call me anytime you need to vent your frustrations.

provobaileys said...

you are talented at so many things. i say go for it.

Amy D. Hall said...

Wow, Liz. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I am so glad that you are doing better. I would for sure read your book! Write it!

Barbara & Morris said...

Go forth and write!!!!!!
I am so glad you are doing better. Your little men must be so happy to have mommy back:)
No lifting is right...you will heal faster. Have them come to you and love them up laying on the sofa!!!
Glad you are BACK!!!
Fondly, B.

Jason & Ashlee said...

Hey Liz,

I would love to keep reading, I thought I would come check out your blog since you gave it to me on mine. I feel so connected to your story - only because I lived it myself. However, mine was a little different because I only had one sharper than sharp pain - and then nothing. I did however, have a ton of bleeding and I felt out of breathe. I had 3 internal ultrasounds and 3 external. I kept thinking "seriously, is this really necessary - 6 ultrasounds. At this point you just want to make as much money as possible." I had my surgery the next morning and now I am left with 3 - 1 inch scars on my belly, and one less tube. I hope you feel better. Take care of yourself.

Jacqui said...

Liz, I'm so glad you're feeling better! I hope the recovery has gone well and your boys have been great, I'm sure. I loved reading about your experience. You're definitely a talented writer and I would love to read more. Keep it coming! :)

scott and megan said...

I hope you do!! I will be first in line at your Barnes and Noble book signing. Been thinking about you...so glad you're "baaack"!

ScottnLisa said...

Glad to see that you're doing at least a little better. I love to write too...I think it's great that you're willing to share your experiences with the world, that makes you a braver person than I am. Even though I write stuff down, I never share it for my own personal reasons. Either way it's always a good idea to write stuff down so you don't forget what you've learned and so that your kids can read and learn too when they grow up. More power to you!

bird said...

first of all, i'm sorry for all of the craziness (beginning with the trip to utah that resulted in disease and ending with your emergency room experience). secondly, i'm so glad you're okay. and i have missed seeing your entries! thirdly, i am interested in what happens next. and if you need a little editor/proof-reading lady, you can call on me. i love doing that stuff. and i won't have to feel bad telling you you're awful, because you're not.

Chris-n-Chelz said...

LIZ!!!! that is crazy, i had no idea that any of this was going on. i have not checked peoples blogs in a few days. i am glad to hear that all is well and that you are still with us! i love you tons!

Tiffany said...

I do want to read more! Keep writing. You are an amazing person, so glad you are doing better.

Barbara & Morris said...

Missing you...
How is the recovery going?
If you want a giggle come to my site and see Summer on Idol..I have turned into such a Blogger Geek!!
I am sending good "vibes" into the universe to make you better:)
Is it working..hahahahaa!
Fondly, Me

B2 said...

I am so sorry to hear about all you've been through, and so happy to hear that everything is alright! what a crazy and stressful couple of days. Our prayers are with you!