Rainy days, stocked fridge, intelligent three-and-a-half-year-old. The circumstances don't get much better than this. Today was officially dubbed the beginning of potty-training week. I felt strong, armed with an arsenal of training ideas from friends and family. Buddha seemed chipper. Bugga was...well, Bugga, but that's beside the point.
I make a computer "potty chart." Too bad we don't have a printer. Oh well, I find clip art stars. Buddha seems excited, but only wants one star if he pees on the toilet, not one star for each time. So be it. Whatever motivates you. Here we go!
He starts out half birthday suit, half t-shirt. Strike one. I'm getting wet knees as I try to determine the actual circumference of his urinary "accident" on our carpet.
Taking a deep breath.
He's still semi-desnudo. I'm talking to my brother in Iraq when I hear a little voice, "Mommy, I pooped." Strike two. My heart jumps and my blood simmers. Poop?! Bye bye, Unkey Dino. Relief. It's just another pee trail.
He's wearing underwear now. He's in quiet time. I emphatically impressed it upon him to call out to me when he needed to pee pee so he could go on the toilet. I hear the door open. No sound. I walk toward the door, hoping for the best, but dreading the worst. He clings to the door handle and looks up at me innocently with pee dripping down his legs. "Mommy, I peed." You sure did. Strike three. I remove the soaked underwear. I find a hidden jewel. Lucky me.
Buddha is on the toilet. I'm cleaning up the flood. Two books later and the water is still crystal clear. Time to get off the toilet. "Buddha," I ask him, "do you want to be a big boy and wear underwear? Big boys pee in the toilet." Silence. He inquires, "Do little boys wear diapers?" Yes. "Do you want to be a big boy or a little boy?"
Three carpet pools later, with nine wet rags, a soaked pair of underwear, and my skyrocketing blood pressure as "excuses," Buddha emerges from his bedroom wearing trusty old Pampers...still my little boy. I surrender. Enough is enough. Have you ever tried this?