For some time now, I've been pondering on the world of blogging and how accurate it really is. Or rather, how accurate our presentations of ourselves really are. You see, many times I find myself envying a friend who is so talented in this or that way, or another who is so patient, or another who is a culinary master, or the one who is all three combined...and caring for three + children...and involved in the community...and fulfilling a church calling...and still finding time to exercise and look perfectly beautiful...and really crafty/homemakery...and always taking notes in Relief Society...and the list could go on and on. I'm constantly admiring people for what they lay out on the blog table, but am I getting the whole picture? Is it too easy to pick and choose the best parts of ourselves for the world to see and is this perpetuating an impossibly unattainable definition of what makes a good wife and mother?
Recently, a friend told The Chief that she enjoys reading our blog and thinks I'm superwoman. That drew the line for me. I'm no superwoman, but I sure can make myself sound like one on our blog. So, at the risk of losing all my admirers, I'll go ahead and spill the beans, reveal the true me. Right this instant, I've been at the computer for about three hours while my kids have been playing (and intermittently begging me to pay attention to them and get them drinks of milk). This is a ritual for me. I'm addicted to the computer. My house is a complete mess. In fact, just this morning I informed The Chief that I'm contemplating hiring a cleaning service for a day, just so that I can stay on the computer and not have to face the growing mess. Sometimes I go to bed without brushing my teeth. I don't cook...ever. Okay, I cook once every two months and when I do, I take pictures and post it on the blog so you all think I'm a regular in the kitchen. We eat out a lot because of my lack of inspiration in the kitchen. I don't exercise, because that would take me away from my precious computer. All that weight I lost a year ago...yeah, it's back. I'm kind of reclusive. I need my friends to invite themselves over to my house or I never see anyone. I yell at my kids on occasion...usually when I don't get enough sleep...which happens often because I love the computer. You see the vicious cycle? I'm not the most patient person. At times I treat strangers better than I treat my own family. I could eat breakfast all day long every day. I have a black thumb. All those garden pictures...yeah, Mary is the green thumb and I'm just the beneficiary. I am an excuse-maker, a procrastinator, and a forgeter. I don't always say my prayers. Sometimes I just flop into bed, tuck the covers under my chin, and in a very unholy way, remind Heavenly Father that he already knows about my entire day and my feelings about my entire day, so I'll talk to him later (I know, I know, I'm terrible...that's kind of the point...I'm not perfect).
Now, even though this post is about coming clean, I can truthfully say that I'm not all bad. I am a very loyal and trustworthy person. I don't like gossip. I'm very nice because I'm a people pleaser. Between you and me, I'll always pick you to be happy over me. I love to laugh and feel like I have a pretty good sense of humor myself. I adore my boys, even though they get on my nerves sometimes. I'm pretty smart and can participate in and contribute to a lively conversation. I love my body despite my fluctuating weight, and I don't think that's something that many girls these days can say. I appreciate it for all it's gone through. Sure, I'd like to be skinnier, but I know I'll get to be beautiful again after I die and it's not the most important thing on the earth, so I don't waste my time worrying about it. I have a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and I know that despite all my flaws, my Heavenly Father loves me (sometimes I like to think He even gets a kick out of some of my flaws).
So, in summary. I think I'm so much cooler online. And here's my theme song. Some of you may have heard it already. It's sooooooo funny!! Just click the little play button.
Now I'm going to sign off the computer and go try to show my kids how much I love them by playing with them and getting them that milk they've been asking for. Maybe I'll even muster up enough drive to clean the house...and then I'll pay myself. :) Please remember to take everything I post with a grain of salt. The girl behind the post is a deeply flawed human being with a few very nice strengths.