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"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."— William Butler Yeats
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Friday, September 3, 2010

Why I want my boys to go to BYU

Have you ever read the Brigham Young University police beat?  If not, you are seriously missing out.  Seriously.  The Chief and I spent some quality time together last night reading through BYU police updates via the university's paper, The Daily Universe.  I can't honestly say I've never laughed so hard (because I have; and harder still), but after many draining days as a third-round new mom and a brand-spanking new homeschool teacher, the HUMONGOUS guffaws that were erupting from the depths of my belly last night felt really, really good.

Here's a top ten countdown of our favorites for you.  Grab some popcorn and your sweety and by the end of these you'll be feeling like you've just had the best date night of your life (while reaching for the computer to look up and bookmark The Daily Universe Police Beat for future date nights).

Note: Though hard to believe, these are completely true, real-life incidents.  And while other universities are dealing with rape, murder, drugs, and alcohol, the following police updates are one of the many happy reasons I hope my boys will choose to attend BYU.
10) March 30: In the WSC Ballroom, a group of friends were dancing. One of the males was dancing with a female in the group when his friend decided to cut in. The individual without a female dance partner became mad, picked his friend up and threw him to the ground. No criminal charges were filed.

9) May 28: A Geo Prizm was reported lost in the Marriott Center parking lot. After a search was completed, the man found his car where he had parked it. 

8) June 5: A student received an online chat from a person stating that he had kidnapped a past study partner in Wales of the United Kingdom. If he ever wanted to see his friend again, he would have to pay hundreds of dollars through Western Union. The student knew this was a common scam and ended the conversation. He gave his friend a call and found that all was OK with her.

7) June 17: Tenants at Wymount reported noises coming from a vacant apartment adjacent to their own.  When police arrived, they found the noise was caused by a couple moving into the apartment.

6) July 1: Three students were reported for suspicious behavior at Wyview Park. When police arrived, they found the students were having a picnic and left.

5) April 1: Police got a call because it appeared a Chevy truck had a hose pumping fumes into its truck bed. When confronted, the student was trying to “jimmy rig” a hot tub in the back of his truck. He was warned a hot tub in the back of his truck was not the wisest thing to do.

4) July 18: Students were reported running around a field just after midnight. When police arrived, they found the students were playing capture the flag.
The following three are my ABSOLUTE FAVORITES!  They are hysterical!
3) July 17: Nine people were reported trespassing on LaVell Edwards Stadium. When police arrived, they found the people were workers at the stadium.

2) March 4: A caller with a Jamaican accent made a call to the police department trying to reach basketball coach Dave Rose. He wanted to inform the coach that he won a contest and to receive his prize he simply had to send them a cashier’s check. Being familiar with the scam, the officer told him to stop calling; the caller was persistent and continued his calls. By coincidence, the coach was in the office during one of his calls and told the secretary to give the caller his number. The coach then took care of the problem by blowing a very loud whistle into the mouthpiece. The caller has not called back since.

1) June 22: EFY attendees were reported to be reading their scriptures, sitting on the edge of the street with their feet in the street. An officer asked students to move up to the sidewalk.

I mean, COME ON!  At what other university in the country does a police encounter include a scolding over where you've been reading your scriptures?!  I LOVE it!


mtanner said...

hahaaha! I needed this today! Thanks Liz!

vanessa joie said...

Oh man... this is genius! I laughed out loud. Thanks!

Kristen said...

If only all the world were as dangerous as the Y campus!

Amy said...

I have just wasted two hours reading these. Absolutely hilarious!

When I was at BYU, I actually received a "DFT ticket" from campus police. It stands for Dumb Foolish Thing, and I have one on record somewhere. My friends and I got them for driving around the dorm parking lots spraying shaving cream on people walking by.